My mind races, wondering if there’s more to figure out about “now”.
My mind will be filled with “Why?”‘s and “How?”‘s. It leaves me feeling uneasy. I was in a constant search of finding an “end” to what I felt wasn’t satisfying. It would put me in a constant race and a cycle of never feeling content. Feeling the need to figure out everything disconnected me from letting things just be. My feelings turned into “word problems” rather than energy that didn’t need to be analyzed. Situations I experienced turned into a trial of “Is this right or wrong?” If I was placed in a great situation that seemed out of my control, I would try to figure out if it was right for me. I couldn’t see and feel what was going on in front of me, because I was so focused on figuring things out. My existence felt far and clouded.
The first time I realized this karmic blockage, was when I read about my Saturn sign, which is in Aries 1st house. Aries, being the first sign, to me is about the soul getting used to “existence” (I am). Saturn in Aries 1st house karmic lesson can be described as the “fright night of the soul“/ judgment. Everything felt as if it would lead to some sort of punishment or failure. I was constantly in search of figuring out what was “right” so I could avoid feeling “wrong”. This search became an obsession which led to me questioning my expressionof my existence, rather than just letting it be. I would question my intuition and my emotions and would wonder if they were ever wrong. Actions that felt divine to me, that caused no harm, still felt the need to be questioned. These questions were a constant race in my mind, that blocked me from just being.
When I read my Saturn karmic lesson, it was the icing on the cake of what my personal astrological map wants me to do to free my soul, which is to just be.
Reminding myself that there’s nothing to figure out, to just feel, and to connect more with [now], calms down the analytical obsessed part of me that blocks me from feeling free.